What Is It Good For? Part 1: Venus Wars

War is a popular theme for stories in all mediums.  When I began collecting used anime, I was surprised at the horrendous movies that were titled like a mad lib reading "_____ Wars"  I made it my personal mission to collect every anime movie or OVA with this titular scheme. This wasn't too hard, there were only 4, all of which you'll see this month.  I didn't care as much about TV series such as Sakura Wars.  The true junk and gems are usually produced in more limited time run.  We'll start off with a tale of interplanetary strife:

Background:
Released By: U.S. Manga Corp
Length: 103 minutes
Year of Production: 1989
Language: Sub and Dub both included, Dub reviewed
Available on Netflix: Yes

Venus Wars was the third "Wars" title I added to my vast collection.  The first two were oddly terrible, so I wasn't expecting much.  My best story involving this title involves a Halloween party I went to when I first moved to Texas.  I didn't have a normal costume, so I pulled an old Akatsuki unifrom from "Naruto" out of my closet and wore that.  People liked the costume, but when they asked me what it was from their eyes glazed over.  All except for one loud, opinionated, recently employed history teacher.  He gave me a quizzical look and said, "Oh, one of those Japanese cartoons like Dragon Ball Z or Venus Wars, huh?"  The fact that Venus Wars was one of the signature examples of Asian cartooning in his mind really stuck with me, especially as he claimed to not have seen very much anime.

The Conflict:
In the distant future (actually the recent past, 2003) a large chunk of ice collides with Venus, changing the atmosphere to an extent that makes the planet hospitable to humans.  Several different groups claimed rights to various portions of Venus, hoping the land they have laid claim to is arable, mineral rich or otherwise valuable. The Ishtarians decide that it is silly for everyone to be arguing over bits of land, and a unified Venus would make more sense.  So they attempt to overrun the major metropolitan centers with their Octotanks.  Venusian diplomacy is dead.

Story:
The political background was explained above, so lets jump into the character portion of the story.  We start with the reporter Susan Somers being strip searched at the cosmoport by some security personal who don't seem to have a healthy view of women.  Also, there seems to be a cavity search in the hopes of confiscating any recording devices she may have.  All of this is for naught, as her recording device is hidden in her lipstick.  Sneaky, sneaky!

Ain't I a stinker!

Meanwhile Venus's most popular sport, Roller Bike, is being aired on TV with the Killer Commandos facing off against the Venus Barbarians.  The rules of Roller Bike is essentially a fusion of Nascar and Roller Derby where making your opponent crash is rewarded with big points.  Susan catches a glimpse of the spectacle while in a bar meeting with her contact.  The bartender provides her with a smuggled camera and some info on the current political climate.  Word on the street is things could turn ugly at anytime.  Almost as ugly as the losing streak the Killer Commandos are on.

The Killer Commando Roller Bike Team, complete with groupies

It turns out the informant's data was a wee bit off.  The Octotanks are airdropped onto the city with one landing directly on the Roller Bike course.  Hiro, one of the Killer Commando bikers goes to check for possible evacuation routes and gets his bike crushed by a tank.  The team skedaddles with the help of their mechanic Gary and pick up the befuddled reporter along the way.  Everyone holes up in Gary's garage workshop to wait for more news.  Io, the capital of Aphrodia is completely conquered by Ishtar in a single day, the Aphrodian defense force being largely useless.  The city is placed under martial law by the invaders, but they allow people to continue their lives, mostly as normal.

The muppet-based programming continued as usual

Hiro and his would-be girlfriend Maggie go shopping for supplies their group needs.  Maggie gives a depressing speech about how nothing has really changed until Hiro screams some sense into her.  They have to pass through numerous checkpoints around the city, where Hiro insults the cops while Maggie uses her father's political connections to keep the troopers from smashing Hiro's face in.  That night Miranda, the "Queen" of the Killer Commandos, sneaks out of the garage for unknown reasons.  Susan tries to submit her war photos to the local news desk but they refuse to publish them.  They also not so subtly suggest she go home to Earth before the cosmoport is locked down.  The General Donner of the invading Ishtarians threatens the local government, demanding their cooperation hunting down the resistance.

They better do it, he has maps!

The mechanic Gary gets mysterious midnight visits from resistance members running guns and other supplies through his garage.  Hiro is furious about the occupation, and loiters around the city past curfew to show the occupying army what for.  Two of the other Killer Commandos invite Hiro up to a deluxe penthouse originally owned by the guy's aunt before she fled the city in terror.  He is canoodling around with Will's girlfriend, after Will became infatuated with Susan Somers.  The three enjoy the luxury apartment for a while until the police raid it and Hiro decides to fight them.  There is a scuffle, chase, crash, and Hiro gets shot.

"I found the weak-point in your helmet!"

Hiro manages to limp his way to Maggie's house where he promptly passes out.  Maggie uses her partial nurse training to remove his pants and dress the wound on his leg.  She is in the middle of making him dinner and carrot juice when he finally wakes up.  Maggie explains her dad had predicted war would break out which is why she took the nursing courses for the past several months.  Her mom and brother already left the city, but she and dad stayed behind, for friends and work respectively. 

Pants-less and drinking a foul liquid, like a fraternity rush.

Hiro wanders about the house, finding a picture Maggie's dad took of a farm out in the Venusian boonies. The enrages our male lead, as his parents tilled that land for years in a futile attempt to keep the land away from the Ishtarians.  Hiro rants about this vast government conspiracy which reduces Maggie to tears.  Hiro consoles her, still not wearing pants and she asks how many of the other biker groupies her has seduced.  Maggie is relieved to hear that Hiro's record with the ladies is as atrocious as his record on the Roller Bike course.  As things start to heat up there is a knock at the door, Maggie's dad.

"Come in!  No..Wait...the opposite of that!"

A Quick Side Note
Venus Wars is a well done, enjoyable movie overall, but there is one thing about it that always bothered me, and it happens at this point in the movie. Whenever Maggie's father is shown, his face is obstructed by odd camera angles or oddly placed scenery.  When I first watched this movie I was convinced there would be a dramatic reveal, showing Daddy is a double agent of the Ishtarian forces.  When they finally reveal his face.......he is just some schmoe.  That really annoys me to this day.

Damn faceless bastard and his thieving cat

End Side Note   

Hiro hides in the laundry room where he is able to retrieve his pants and overhear the conversation Daddy is having with Maggie  He wants the two of them to leave the city, but she wants to stay with her Killer Commando friends.  Daddy insults here fiends and an angry Hiro sneaks out the side door.  Back at Gary's garage the bike team is discussing the missing members of their gang.  Miranda, the Queen of the Killer Commandos storms in and starts tearing apart the floor.  She reveals Gary's large stash of insurgent weaponry which she commandeers with the express intent of destroying a tank.  Gary tries to stop them, revealing the leg he lost in his youth, while also trying to destroy tanks.  When they refuse to give up the mission he agrees to join him.

This is why we have a mandatory waiting period

The now armed and dangerous gang heads for their Roller Bike Arena where the tank is stationed.  Gary fills a tanker with high grade gasoline while the other members pepper the tank with bullets.  This strategy backfires terribly when the tank reveals it has a giant flamethrower.  Gary smashes his gas tanker into the tank which results in a giant explosion that does absolutely no damage to the tank.  Hiro had a different idea and uses a large construction crane to shove the tank around, eventually making it crash into a canyon.  This move also destroys the crane and Hiro doesn't get out unharmed.

Failing at the crane game

The victory over the tank's destruction is short lived as a second tank shows up almost immediately.  The Killer Commandos are running scared until a second group of mercenaries appears and takes out the tank with one hit from a very powerful, motorcycle mounted weapon.  This second group takes the Killer Commandos back to their base and gives them the option of being soldiers or captives.  Hiro doesn't want to get caught up in the political fighting, but Miranda and Will are more than happy to train on the military grade Monobikes.  Will is acting tough to woo Susan, and the reporter is falling hard.

She loves a man in uniform regardless of his personality

The rebels are having some success disrupting supply lines and weakening the invading Ishtarians.  After his first successful raid, Will is full of himself and starts insulting Hiro.  Susan joins in and calls him a neutered coward until Miranda slaps some sense into her.  On his next raid Will takes one of Susan's cameras to get her some Pulitzer worthy footage.  This point in the movie combines some live action backgrounds with the animation which is interesting to say the least.  Will never returns from this raid and Susan steals a dune buggy to search for him.

Very neat visual technique

The rebel field commander believes their attacks could be more effective if the level of the teamwork was improved.  He gathers the troops and tells them to work as a team, mocking the dead Will as the type of soldier they shouldn't be.  Hiro gets mad, again, and the commander challenges him to a duel.  racing down a canyon with live ammunition.  Hiro is beaten very handily by the commander, but in a show of mercy and in recognition of the Roller Biker's moxie he agrees to let Hiro's friends go free in exchange for Hiro's enlistment in the rebel army.  Hiro reluctantly agrees.

Competition brings men, closer....maybe a little too close.

Time passes, training takes place, and the rebels plan their attack on the occupied capital.  Susan has kept busy as well, working on her report of the Venus Wars.  She managed to arrange an interview with the leader of the Ishtarian forces, General Donner.  Once the guards leave Susan opens her camera and pulls out a handgun, seeking vengeance for Will.  Being unfamiliar with firearms, Susan forgets to disarm the safety and her intended victim disarms her with a plate.  The guards rush in and the General Donner empties the gun into a statue before having Susan hauled away.

She brought her own prison jumpsuit.

Meanwhile back at the rebel flagship Hiro is getting hit on by an unnecessarily gay soldier.  Hiro is assigned a vital mission by the commander.  He must retake the cosmoport so supply ships can get through to the rebels.  The battle from here gets a bit hard to follow, but the good guys are driving the Monobikes and the invaders are utilizing their Octotanks.  The one thing I was able to follow easily was the explosive demise of the gay soldier as he stops for bike repairs and ammunition.

The enemy forces could not allow someone this fabulous to live

General Donner gets reckless in battle because he doesn't want to lose to the filthy youth of the biker gangs.  Hiro and a squad of Monobikes take out the General's super tank.  The Ishtarian forces lose the battle to the Aphrodian rebels and Donner goes missing in the post war chaos.  Hiro leaves the rebel army as they no longer needed him and he really didn't want to be there in the first place.  The rebels hope he'll rejoin them someday, but they better not hold their breath.  Hiro spots Susan as she is getting deported to Earth, and she tells him that Maggie was spotted at a refugee camp a few miles outside of town.  Hiro rides out that way and spots Maggie's obnoxious cat Andrew and then Maggie.

He should have run over her cat and made it look like an accident

Susan is seen on Earth months later.  Her amazing, exclusive coverage of the Ishtarian Invasion earned her a lot of respect, fabulous journalism prizes, a sizable raise, and a well earned, extended vacation.  When asked what she plans to do on her vacation, she replies that she is returning to Venus to meet with all the great friends she made there. Except, presumably, her would-be boyfriend Will.  We never officially heard what happened to him, so let's assume he's dead.  The End.

"I'm off to identify bodies in a former war zone, be back in a month!"

Why watch?
1. The Music - The background music in this is some fantastic 80's style music.  Nothing like rocking out during battle scenes to music from a decade I barely remember.   

2. Unique Animation Technique - The  combination of the live action backgrounds with some of the bike scenes is an interesting approach.  I'm not sure why the animators or director chose to do things this way in only a handful of scenes but it adds a special flair to the show.

In case you missed it the first time

3. Great Dialogue - There were several instances of great writing as well as laughably terrible dialogue. My favorite line is, "Your ass is grass, and he's the lawnmower!"

4. The Experience of Youth - The way the screenwriters represent the different ways the youth of Venus deal with the political fighting and occupation is intriguing to me.  The gang is split and unsure of what to do.  Should they fight for what they feel is right?  Loot and pillage?  Just hide and let the adults sort it out?  This confusion when your world is turned upside down is very east to relate to, even for someone who has lived in relative peace his whole life like myself.

Confused, scared, aroused, and angry all at once.  The glory of hormones.

Why not to watch?
1. The Schmoe - I've said it before and I'll say it again.  Maggie's dad is a real sore spot for me in the movie.  It shouldn't bother me as much as it does, but what can I do?

I hate your ugly, not-relevant-to-the-plot face Maggie's Dad!

2. Susan's Voice - Susan is a slightly obnoxious character.  Nothing inherently wrong with that, life is full of more than slightly obnoxious people.  The deal breaker for me is her grating, Valley Girl voice.

We gotta shut her up or give her enunciation lessons

3.  Male Nudity - For a show that takes place on Venus, the planet associated with women, there is an abundance of men in their tight underwear.  Really not my cup of tea.  I'd appreciate it if they balanced out the male/female underwear ratio.

Completely hetero males showering together...while still wearing their briefs

Should you be watching?
Venus Wars is a solid title.  Good plot, a host of solid characters, and some well done battle choreography.  If this were a TV series instead of a movie I would have liked to see some more of the Roller Bike games, but the movie is already packed with action.  There just wasn't anymore room for deadly motorsports.  If you had to find a flaw of any merit in Venus Wars it could be that the animation seems a little dated.  For a 22 year old title however it has held up amazingly well.  This one is definitely worth a rental if nothing else.