A Man's Job Part 2: Madonna

Teaching is often seen as a female dominated profession.  When teaching tough, violent, Japanese delinquents though it can be useful to have the power to beat them to a pulp when necessary.  At the very least it helps if the students aren't actively trying to violate you.  We'll see how a woman handles these troubles in the Rugby themed:

 Background:
Released By: Anime Works
Length: 104 minutes
Year of Production: 1988
Language: Sub only
Available on Netflix: Maybe?  I can't find it, too many Madonna DVDs

I found Madonna at an anime convention in a pile of discounted titles no normal person would want to purchase.  I believe I also picked up a few volumes of "Animated Classics of Japanese Literature" at this same con.  Madonna is one of the few older titles that was not released with a dub, which is too bad.  I can only imagine some of the terrible delinquent voices and dialogue rewrites that would have been chosen.  Oh well, the path not taken and all that. 

The Man and His Job
Onizuka, the titular character of Great Teacher Onizuka got into teaching with less than honorable intentions.  He noticed the power some teachers can exert over their students and decided to gain that power in order to get laid.  Eventually he realizes this is a less than honorable pursuit, so he tries to seduce his students' mothers instead.  Onizuka's students are always causing him trouble when he is not making trouble for himself.  His students may be from an elite private school, but they know trouble like no others.

No, he isn't a gym teacher

In Madonna Mako Domon's reason for becoming a teacher are less Stand By Me and closer to the more recent movie Bad Teacher.  In her mind teachers don't work overtime, have summers off, and are surrounded by young studs at all times.  Mako also assumes her massive teacher paycheck will allow her to travel overseas every summer.  Either the Japanese have a very different educational system or she is very misinformed. 

Story:
Our story opens with a woman in a public restroom primping her assorted womanly parts and perfecting her makeup.  This is Mako, fresh out of college and ready to start her brand new career molding young minds for fun and profit.  She struts her stuff down a graffiti covered hallway to her classroom.  Mako writes her name on the chalkboard and turns to address the class who all have their pants around their ankles. 

The boys came out swinging

This is a sign of things to come.  The boys read out loud from porno mags instead of textbooks, and place bets on what color their teacher's underwear is.  Then they hold her down and remove her skirt to see who wins the pot.  In order to de-stress, Mako goes out for a fancy dinner with a male friend named Honda, possibly her boyfriend but their relationship is unclear.  While there she meets up with a female friend who brags about working at an elite company where she can date men with huge paychecks and ivy-league schooling.  Mako responds that any real woman would prefer young teenage bodies.  She then goes home and practices ancient Japanese disciplinary techniques.

She can erase you from a distance, with deadly accuracy

Mako decides to quit, a decision Honda, who we will never see again, heartily approves of.  On her way to give her two weeks notice she sees the leader of her rebellious students, Oobayashi.  He tosses condoms at her, implying she can put them to good use.  Mako retaliates by throwing her shoe at him, knocking him into a sewer ditch.  The next day her shoe locker is full of love letters and her students are all paying rapt attention to their lessons. 

All that respect for assaulting a student. 

This new found admiration is short lived and the next day Mako's students are pasting her head on a naked magazine centerfold.  She responds by ripping off her dress and revealing a leotard underneath, which raises a whole new set of questions.  Leaving those aside, Mako mocks her students for becoming aroused after seeing a simple leotard.

Your pitiful teenage hormones are no match for my 80's clothing!

After putting in some overtime that night, Mako walks home through the shady part of town.  There she finds some yakuza members harassing a teenage boy.  Mako intervenes, pretending to call the cops and the men flee.  She is awed by how handsome the boy is but continues on her way.  The next day in school the students discuss beating up their enemies from a private academy and Mako hears them mention a former member of their gang named Daigo.  She looks into this and finds out he has been absent for months. The other teachers mock her and she takes out the her frustration on a nearby soccer ball as the principal looks on.  A new boy shows up in her class, and it is the infamous Daigo who stays for the day and then attacks some upperclassmen with a screwdriver.

He really should have used a Phillips Head instead of a Flat Head

The principal asks Mako to start up a rugby team, his longtime dream.  She is reluctant to take on the extra responsibility and work hours.  Also, she knows nothing about rugby.  The Vice-Principal barges in and tells them of Daigo's fight, recommending expulsion.  Mako tries to convince them that Daigo simply needs an outlet for his youthful energies and agrees to coach the team if he won't be expelled.  She also sees this as a prime opportunity to get closer to the little delinquent.  Daigo is less enthused at the prospect and refuses to join.  Mako resorts to using posters and business cards to recruit other students with little success.

Her cards are as popular as unsolicited religious pamphlets

Oobayashi and the gang go hit on school girls at the local shopping arcade.  The rugby team from another school picks a fight with them and reveal that Oobayashi was supposed to go to a fancy school on a rugby scholarship but his grades were terrible.  Our boys get trounced and as they struggle out of the alley where they were unceremoniously dumped they see Mako who runs off in fear.  The boys pursue her all the way to the roof of a mall where they tell her what a huge disappointment she is.  Mako looked at them with the same fear and revulsion the rest of society does.  She offers an apology that they grudgingly accept.

I'd run from them too, no apologies.

The boys decide to get their revenge on the other school by challenging them in rugby, the perfect way to best them in a physical match that won't get them expelled.  Mako's class and a lot of oddballs join the team including a computer geek, dancing twins, and a large fatty.  The "team" asks Mako to request a match from the team that beat them up.  Their coach refuses, but the captain of the team is willing to give them a chance.  The match is set one week later.

The captain was the bigger man

We are treated to the obligatory training montage as the boys prepare for the fight of their lives. Mako decides the team could use a little extra power and tracks down Daigo.  She finds him in a mechanic's garage in the bad part of town.  He asks her to wait as he makes a call, telling a client he has gotten an interesting part in.  This was apparently code and three men show up and attempt to rape Mako.  She pretends to play along until she can grab hold of a canister of gasoline and turns herself into a human flamethrower.  Mako runs off while telling Daigo he is no man. 

Mace and whistles are for sissies. real women use fire!

On the day of the game the boys can't even compete with opposing team.  At halftime the score is 53 to 0.  The opposing coach mocks Mako, saying he'll run 100 laps if her team can score a single point.  Mako agrees to run a lap naked if she loses.  Daigo shows up during the second half and injures one of his classmates, forcing Mako to sub him in.  Oobayashi and Daigo manage to force their way through the line and score a try just before the end.  Then there is a bench clearing brawl, cheered on by the principal.  Mako ends the scene by tearing up her resignation letter. 

Everyone loves confetti and poorly made career choices!

Part 2 starts with the Principal requesting that Mako hold a summer training camp to improve their rugby team.  As Mako contemplates how a training camp would ruin her planned European vacation a fat, acne ridden teacher asks her for sex.  When she denies him he sentences her team to a summer of toilet cleaning.  To prevent this Mako agrees to hold the camp.  The students' are ecstatic that they'll get to spend the summer with their hot teacher.  The team gets excited about their trip until the Principal reveals the so called camp will be held at the school.

Party Time!

The team also gets a new coach named Fuwa whose idea of training is running, running, and more running.  He never lets the boy touch a rugby ball until they can all run the distance and speed he requests.  Their efforts are slowed by the fattest member of the team.  The boys become exhausted and contemplate beating their coach to a pulp.  Mako convinces them to train harder instead and get back at him that way.  We are treated to yet another training montage, mostly running.

Also a slightly homoerotic, mostly nude, male hose fight.

Most of the boys get fed up with the training and sneak out to play some pachinko.  The boys win big but bump into a large, angry yakuza member who begins to beat them up until a bigger, stronger bar owner takes out the yakuza.  The pub master was a former rugby player so he brings the boys back to his bar for a bit of fun.  He also reveals the Fuwa was a very talented former teammate of his.  This is the point Mako realizes the boys are gone and goes off to find them.  She also decides as long as she's at a bar she may as well drink until she passes out.

To Professionalism!

Oobayashi meanwhile stayed behind and confronts the coach, who was cleaning the rugby field in the middle of the night.  Coach Fuwa challenges Oobayashi to tackle him, even once.  After a lengthy tackle attempt montage Fuwa is barely taken down.  The next day the fat player finally makes it across the finish line on time and the coach allows the players to start carrying balls while running.  The team practices running in an abandoned factory.  I have no idea why or where this building exists, let alone the purposes of training there.

"Run 20 laps, then make me 20 counterfeit purses!"

The summer ends and the team gets their tournament assignments.  In their first game the team is unable to score in the first half.  They are able to bounce back in the second half due to their amazingly high endurance.  All thanks to Fuwa's training regime of nothing but running.  An old rugby fanatic watches them play and becomes increasingly impressed as they continue their winning streak.  Another montage shows the team winning until the semifinals where they are facing off against the number 2 seed.  The school's teachers, Principal, VP, and all male cheerleading squad show up to watch.

Traditional Japanese cheerleaders can't compete with skimpy skirts

Their opponents play rough, but legal, rugby and several of Mako's students are injured.  One is hurt so badly he can barely stand, but there are no substitutes.  Since Daigo hasn't been seen at all in part 2, the injured player has to keep struggling to keep upright and play.  The team is down 30 points at halftime.  The fatty who couldn't run during training is ignored by the opponents and is able to score, given the team the motivation to keep fighting.  They narrow the gap to 3 and need one more try to win with 30 seconds left.  Oobayashi makes a final desperate attempt to score but lands just out of bounds.  The team is still thrilled with their success in their first season, as is the Principal.  Mako gives her star athletes a kiss and they all look forward to the next season.  The End.

More inappropriate conduct.

Why watch?
1. Face Faults - Delightful, old style face-faults from over reacting characters pepper this OVA, adding a delightful bit of spice to the title.  The faces seem slightly Peanuts-esque.

Mako's horrified just-saw-30-penises face

Don't know what to say about this one

2. Music - There is a lot of Japanese style rock that is rather uplifting and fun.  Or at least I think it is.  Not knowing the language makes it hard to tell.

3. The Principal - Typically in a title like this the Principal and Vice Principal are at odds.  One will support the oddball teacher while the other tries to destroy them. This title has everyone being supportive, which is a nice change.  The Principal is especially cool and very supportive, he also loves birds.

He wears his formal best to the games

Seriously, how can you not love this guy?

4.  This Toy - There is a child's toy featured in an emotional scene after Mako is almost raped.  I don't know what it is called but I had one as a kid.  This is probably the first and only time it has ever been animated.  Little things like this make me happy.

The little things in life.........

Why not to watch?
1. Unpopular sport - I know nothing about rugby.  I learned a little more after watching this, but I still don't really care.  If you do enjoy/understand rugby ignore this comment.

I love these twins but they don't get enough screen time

2. Generic Story and Designs- The title is very generic.  The storyline could really use a little more work.  The character designs are also uninspired, especially the supposedly "attractive" Mako. 

She doesn't look sexy so much as she looks 12

Should you be watching?
There is a decent bit to like about Madonna  but sadly it doesn't come together as a whole very well.  I'm assuming it suffers from the usual OVA issue of trying to fit too much source material into a limited time frame.  If you like rugby it may be worthwhile to check it out.  For most people I'd recommend skipping this one.  Seeing as it does not seem to be on Netflix anyway, it would be hard to find even if you did want to see it.  So spare yourself the trouble.