For Your Private Eyes Only Part 2: Debutante Detective Corps

A quintet of over-privileged and surprisingly independent rich girls are the crime fighters in this short OVA.  That about covers the premise of:

 Background:
Released By: ADV Films
Length: 30 minutes
Year of Production: 1996
Language: Sub and Dub both included, Dub reviewed
Available on Netflix: Yes

This is one of the few terrible anime I've purchased new.  In my defense, it was at the going-out-of-business sale at a Suncoast.  Never seen a copy of this anywhere else and I don't want to. 

The Detectives
Our team of 5 are all from incredibly wealthy and powerful families and each has their own special skills.  The quintet is introduced independently with their own bios written in the most incomprehensible Engrish possible.  So the information I'm giving you here is highly interpreted.  First off is Reika.  Reika is the daughter of a powerful Chinese merchant, raised by her Chinese mafia grandparents.  Her specialty is martial arts, she has a tendency for childish behavior and she loves to eat,

Second is Youko.  Youko is allegedly the granddaughter of the doubly illegitimate child of Adolf Hitler.  She is very honest and believes in justice above all else.  Youko has the unique ability to mimic anyone's voice and can use her make-up kit to look like anyone as well.

Third is Nina.  Nina is a descendant of the Romanov dynasty and the daughter of world traveling parents.  She is a military maniac who flies an attack helicopter and is able to hide massive,personalized assault weapons in her lingerie.

The last two members are sisters of a giant Japanese conglomerate.  Member four is Miyuki.  Miyuki is highly emotional and overreacts to most things.  Her specialties are mechanics, explosives, and, surprisingly, cooking and domestic duties.

Miyuki's sister, apparently fraternal twin as they are both entering their first year of high school, is Kimiko.  Kimiko is the default leader of this odd crew.  She has a genius IQ and is apparently cold.  I don't know exactly what that means, the way the use the word makes no sense, but they call her cold a few times in her bio.  She has psychic power and also uses the power of flirtation to get her way. 

Story:
The OVA opens with an old man in rags screaming' "Poverty is killing me!"  As the camera pull back we see this is part of a TV movie.  A shadowy figure changes the channels until she lands on a new story about  a trio of professional killers who have escaped.  The shadowy figure smiles and shoots the television with a gold-plated gun.  The scene shifts to a high school entrance ceremony.

These proper, well mannered, young ladies are not our heroines

The principal begins giving his speech about how all the girls should work hard etc, etc, until a motorcycle crashes through the stained glass window behind him.  This is followed in rapid succession by bicycle going 90 mph, a luxury car crashing through the doors, an attack copter ejecting its pilot and a massive police escort.  The poor principal getting pummeled by each entrance but at least our team is finally together.

I don't know how long those heels are, but he might be dead

 The police reveal that they have received a videotape containing a death threat for the 5 girls who rudely disrupted the entrance ceremony.  According to the would-be assassins these students are "Offspring of those who oppress the workers of the world" and they must kill them in the name of all that is just.  Also, for some reason the death threat video features all of the girls in their swimsuits.  

If only all terrorist videos looked this good

 The principal and police chief discuss the case.  During the course of their conversation, the principal lets slip he gets aroused by his students in their gym uniforms and gets dragged off for child molestation.  Kimiko decides that this is the best time in the world to shower and the other girls watch a slasher film.  Once Kimiko is nice and clean the girls agree that being held at school is boring so they decide to try and escape to a fancy hotel.  In order to accomplish this, Miyuki hacks into the police communication network and Youko calls the chief pretending to be the commissioner.  She tells the chief to leave the school immediately and in disguise.  

Inconspicuous as a polka-dotted cat

 With the chief gone, Youko disguises herself as him and uses his authority to dismiss the police.  This might have been a good idea except the terrorists have a sniper standing buy who immediately opens fire.  The girls flee for cover only to find a bomb at their chosen hiding place.  The girls run along the school, being peppered by bullets and bombs the whole way.  Eventually they take cover in the art room where they encounter the biggest bomb yet.

Blowing people up with some style!

 The two sisters, Kimiko and Miyuki argue about how to disarm the bomb.  Miyuki tries to disarm it with her technical skills and Kimiko tries to divine which wire to cut using psychic powers.  They argue and decide that no one will disarm the bomb.  Meanwhile, Nina squares off with a sniper taking shots at the girls through the window.  Luckily Nina never goes anywhere without a custom made assault rifle stored safely in her undergarments.  She calls it her "Boy Hunting Gun."  This one has been modified to fire a bubblegum like substance which neutralizes the Sniper.

I'd like to know if she chewed that herself

Reika solves the whole "locked in a room with a bomb" dilemma by kicking down the barricaded door.  I have no idea why she didn't do that immediately.  The girls do some more running until the encounter a large, muscular terrorist.  This is clearly Reika's territory again and to ready herself for the fight she rips off her Chinese dress to reveal a short sleeved Chinese shirt and short-shorts.  While doing her warm up exercises she leaps up and knocks herself unconscious. 

Her fists are ever vigilant.  Can't say the same about her brain, sadly. 

 Reika's comrades run away (great cardio workout today!) leaving her behind and defenseless.  Muscle Man pursues them.  Reika wakes up and attacks the terrorist from behind, pounding him into the ground like so many Battletoads enemies.  This somehow cause him to grow into a giant, taller than the school building.  The detectives leave Reika behind, yet again, to get pummeled by the giant, but aren't much better off themselves.  The terrorist leader blocks their path with a fighter jet.  

This fight seems a bit one-sided

Reika finally decides to take the fight seriously and removes her arm weights.  Once again, I love the whole "weighted training items" cliche.  She punches the giant in the face, rips out his hair and generally beats the snot out of his giant nose.  

Like David and Goliath, except no one has heard of this story

While Reika finishes up, the other girls square off against the plane.  None of Nina's guns are powerful enough to dent it and none of the other girls have abilities that work on an active attack plane.  Or do they?  Kimiko decides the time has come to reveal her psychic powers.  Her first strategy is to shoot a poorly aimed energy beam at the target but no luck.  Try two involves taking control of the planes controls WITH HER MIND!  She then crashes the plane into the art room with the bomb and a giant explosion levels the school.  

KA~ME~HA~ME~HUH?

The girls round up the defeated terrorist and tie them to a statue.  They arrange themselves in a triumphant pose to await the arrival of the police.   Kimiko use this opportunity to reveal her plan to create a detective club along with the other girls.  The police interrogate the criminals to find out who planned their attack, and when they start to implicate Kimiko, she pulls a gun on them.  When the principal protests the destruction of his school the girls drop a cool $100,000,000,000 to replace it.  
The End.

There will be no sequel

Why watch?
1. Nazis! - Any anime that flippantly mentions on of its characters is related to Hitler and then never does anything with that information is okay in my book.

Mein Kampus

2. Giant fight - The fight between Reika and the giant is decently amusing.  Okay fight choreography and goofy enough to be a lot of fun.

Stomping the Goomba

She'll rip off your mohawk and show it to you

3. Dialogue - There is some delightful bits of terrible dialogue.  Here are a few gems.

“Now you shall behold my maidenly wrath!”

“Stop messing with little girls!” 

“We could trade socks?”

“Man, we get a death threat and she takes a shower”

She needs to watch more horror movies

 Why not to watch?

1. Fanservice - This show is essentially nothing both an excuse for fanservice.  Lots of closeups on butts, and breasts with prominent nipples everywhere.  

Even the time bombs have nipples!

2. No time for anything - This show is only 30 minutes.  The first 20% of this is just introducing the characters, which leaves little time for anything else.  Rudimentary plot and zero character development.  This concept would probably work best as a 12 or 13 episode series. You'd have this as the introductory episode, an episode per detective explaining their backgrounds, motivations and abilities.  This would bring us halfway through and leave time to develop a decently complex, multipart story or two to round out the series.  Odds are the series would be terrible given this premise, but I think that is the best you can do with this series.

Lifestyles of the rich and insipid

Should you be watching?
This show is really rather terrible but it is also short, so at least it has that going for it.  There are a few laughs to be had if you don't mind the shame that comes with it.  In fact, if it wasn't for the fight with the giant I would have labeled this "Don't watch."  You're all adults though (presumably, I don't really know what my demographics are).  You can decide if you'd like to spend 30 minutes on this or not.