Odder Couples Part 1: Outlanders

In honor of Valentines Day or, if you prefer, Singles Awareness Day, February will be spent celebrating some of the bizarre couples in anime.  We'll start off with a fun, older title:

Background:
Released By: U.S. Manga Corps
Length: 50 minutes
Year of Production: 1986
Language: Sub and Dub both included, Dub reviewed
Available on Netflix: Yes
This OVA is a summary of the first half of the Outlanders manga.  Apparently most of the minor characters were done away with in order to fit in the major plot points.   A warning to the easily offended, this title contains adult situations, suggestive dialogue and has been recommended for ages 16 and up.
Although produced in Japan in 1986, a re-dubbed, 20th anniversary edition was released in the USA in 2006.   The earlier edition was produced by L.A. Hero/Dark Image Entertainment.  Depending on who you ask, the U.S. Manga version is either fantastic or an atrocity.  The good reviewers on Amazon.com seem to think the newer version is terrible and devoid of humor.  I don't know what they were watching, because I thought it was hilarious.

Characters:  The main characters in this show can be presented as two bizarre couples. 
Odd Couple 1 - Tetsuya and Kahm
Tetsuya is a professional photographer, presumably specializing in war zones.  This appears to be his only skill or redeeming quality.  He has zero experience with women.

Doing the only thing he does well.

Think happy thoughts......well maybe not that happy

Kahm is the princess of the invading alien empire.  She has little trouble destroying any foe who stands in her path.  Also, being a teenage girl, she is hopelessly attracted to the types of men her father hates.  Despite her vast experience in the martial arts, she has zero experience in the marital arts. 

Kahm in her element on the battlefield

Aren't they cute together?

Odder Couple 2 - Battia and Geobaldi
Battia is Kahm's oldest and dearest friend.  They also battle each other on a frequent basis to  resolve any minor disputes.  Arguably a more formidable warrior than Kahm, Battia is a proud member of the royal guard.  She also has a lot of "experience" with men. 

Kitty doesn't need claws when she has steel

Geobaldi is a werewolf, or a dog-man, or something along those lines.  He is powerful, crude, and quite the player with the ladies.  He and Battia seem to have a history, although neither would ever claim to love the other.  Fun fact, the same actor gives voice to both Tetsuya and Geobaldi.

A face even a mother couldn't love

Kinda like watching Animal Planet

Story:
The story opens with a spaceship descending upon earth.  Apparently I couldn't stay away from this type of opening for more than a week.  Kahm informs us that Earth is the Holy Planet and she proceeds to decimate the armed forces of the Earth.

Why does this keep happening?!?!?!

Tetsuya is in the middle of the action, taking photographs of the gruesome deaths.  Eventually, when he is the last man alive on the battlefield, he is able to get a picture of the alien invader.  As she advances upon the lone human survivor, his flash goes of prematurely, spooking her and allowing him to take her by surprise.  She is so impressed she decides to kidnap him and make him her husband.

A picture's worth a thousand dead soldiers

Tetsuya wakes up surrounded by a family of mutant space frogs that seem to have been fathered by Yoda.  These are Kahm's servants, providing everything from food and clothing to advice on relationships.  They are also creepy and voyeuristic.  Mama frog presents him with a virility feast to prepare for his wedding night, then leaves to attend to the princess.

Not the oddest aphrodisiac I've heard of.

Kahm is busy preparing for her wedding night by bathing and getting marriage counseling from Mama Frog.  Mama explains to her how men are idiots that are easily manipulated and how important it is to make them think they are in charge.  She then mimes some things that no one wants to see her doing.  This happy moment is interrupted by her kids screaming about imminent danger.

Trust me, this was worse animated

Tetsuya decided to take Papa Frog hostage to negotiate his way off the spaceship.  Too bad for him, the ship is already halfway across the galaxy.  Mama then explains that Kahm wants to marry him to save humanity, as her dad wants to destroy the earth.  So basically this is a political marriage.  The not-being-annihilated argument, along with seeing Kahm in nothing but a bath towel helps Tetsuya to see things their way. At this point Battia shows up and insults Kahm's choice in boyfriends.  Kahm calls Battia a slut.  A sword battle ensues.

The towel isn't as revealing as the armor

Tetsuya throws himself in the middle of the cat-fight, and earns Battia's respect.  Their ship is hailed by the Emperor's right hand man named Progress.  A running gag is that everyone mispronounces his name.  It is pronounced PRO-gress.  As Progress tries to be all threatening and dominant, Geobaldi crashes into his ship.  The couples pair off and leave to get intimate while the ships warp to Kahm's home planet.  Kahm and Tetsuya chat about their situation and are interrupted before they can get to business.  Battia and Geobaldi are much more successful.  Tetsuya and Kahm have an audience with the Emperor to ask him to spare Earth and approve of their marriage.  He politely declines and sentences Tetsuya to death and Kahm to bondage.

Daddy dearest

 Apparently on the alien home world executions are carried out by throwing the condemned into a pit of carnivorous worms.  Lucky for Tetsuya, Battia disguised herself as one of the guards and is able to prevent his death.

Lots of baby Sarlacci

They rush off to rescue Kahm, who is found in a very compromising position.  Tetsuya takes a few minutes to enjoy all of this before saving his woman. 

What kinda father punishes his daughter this way?

At this point our two couples are back together again.  They could simply escape, but Geobaldi decides to playfully insult the princess.  Apparently almost dying has put Tetsuya on edge, and he won't let the insult slide.  The two males duel.  This does not go to well for the tiny human with no battle experience and Geobaldi mortally wounds him.

A lesson on the meaning of pain.

Kahm is understandably upset that her would-be husband is lying in a pool of his own blood.  Battia reminds the princess of the royal family's Resuscitation Technique which can revive someone on the verge of death.  While Kahm attempts to resurrect Tetsuya, Battia and Geobaldi go on ahead to steal a getaway ship.

Slinkys have healing properties in the proper hands

After a brief, joyful reunion celebrating Tetsuya's non-death, our couple attempt to make their escape.  Kahm makes sure to get nice and drunk before getting on her speeder bike.  A brief chase and fight scene and the two make it to the escape ship.

I wish I was nimble enough to kick offensive drivers in the face

  Our protagonists flee into deep space where they are surrounded by Progress's bio-ships.  The king's less than loyal servant has decided to kill the princess in order to become the next heir to the throne.  Somehow Geobaldi manages to make all of the insectoid bio-ships shed their protective armor, which renders them defenseless.  Progress is destroyed.  Our two favorite couples flee into space and celebrate their victory in the bedroom.

Go Team!

  Why Watch?
1. The Violence - I really love the over-the-top violence found in some older titles.  The gruesome scenes in Outlanders are restricted mainly to the opening battle of Kahm vs. Earth Soldiers.  Even still, this is a quality battle scene.

Pop goes the weasel!

Paint the town red

I love how confused this guy is about his missing arm.

2. The Fanservice - If you like your cartoon women scantily clad, you won't be disappointed by this show.  There are lots of great examples of this, but I don't want to put up any pictures that are too explicit.  The show contains some naked T&A, so be warned if this offends you.

If you ladies like Furries, there is some fanservice for you too

3. Terrible Dialogue - This show has a plethora of amazing lines.  I wrote down a bunch of these to share with you.  Here are a few of my favorites.

“He has quite a large member your highness, you’ll want to keep up on those exercises I taught you.” – Mama Frog

“What do you see in that banana-eating retard anyway?” – Battia

“For my style I need a ship with some balls” – Geobaldi

“This is a duel! Man to man…..or dog-guy…or something….” Tetsuya

“And I thought you were horny before, ya know, get it? Because you have horns?” – Tetsuya

“Geobaldi, do you remember our first time together?” - Battia

“Who knows, we were probably drunk” – Geobaldi

Why not to watch?

1. Low video quality - Despite being remastered, the age of the this piece shows a bit.  Nothing too terrible, but it was a bit harder to get clear screen shots from this one.  

Should you be watching? 

Definitely.  Unless you are easily offended by suggestive content and brief nudity, you couldn't ask for a better piece of old-school fun than this.  The dialogue, the style, the actors.....everything comes together really well.  Short , sweet, and fun, this is a great way to spend 50 minutes.  Highly recommended.