Bad Idea Train Part 1: Birth

Every now and then while watching some random anime the characters make an incredibly stupid decision.  Some of these decisions are used for dramatic effect, such as the clichéd/classic move of walking into a known trap.  This month is dedicated to anime that contain a moment in which one or more characters make an incredibly moronic decision that makes absolutely no sense to the viewer.  I chose this theme because I wanted to share one OVA in particular.

Background:

Released by: ADV

Length: 80 minutes

Language: Sub and Dub both included, Dub reviewed.

Available on Netflix: Yes

I love watching anime that are as old as I am, and this one comes close, being released in Japan in 1984.  Birth has a long history in the USA.  It was originally released as World of the Talisman in 1987, and later on as Planet Busters in 1992 by Streamline.  It was given the tag-line “In space, no one can hear you laugh!” 

ADV films released a version in 2004 that featured a new dub which was more faithful to the original Japanese version.  This is the version I’ll be telling you about.

Characters

The story follows four key characters.  The female lead, Rasa is a fan of tight clothing, retro helmets, and racing her hovercraft and Pony 7 which is a transforming bike/plane.  A majority of this film is centered on Rasa’s rear-end so if you have a butt fetish, this is the show for you.  She is followed everywhere by her pet Monga, who, in typical cutesy animal/pokemon fashion, can only say his own name.

Rasa and Monga

Monga demonstrating what we’ll spend the next 80 minutes looking at.

Nam, our intrepid hero is, simply put, a moron.  He is the main character in this show that needs an emergency infusion of common sense.  Nam’s outfit reminds me of a prototype Dragon Ball Z character, and when the wind hits his hair just right, the resemblance is uncanny. 

Nam showing off his wits.  He just learned punching robots is not very productive.

Captain Bao is a 300-year-old alien merchant and former soldier who reminds me of a matured Jar Jar Binks after having been slightly crushed by the real world.  Bao is always seen wearing a goofy hat, flippers and smoking a cigar.  He is a fan of all things old (except women) especially vehicles and weapons.  He has a creepy, inter-species crush on Rasa, keeping a small doll of her on board his ship.

The creepy little Rasa Doll

Bao, in a display of his typical brash confidence

Last and probably least is Kim.  There isn’t a whole lot to say about Kim.  He seems slightly effeminate, wears large gold earrings, and is Bao’s much put upon sidekick.  The Kiff to Bao’s Brannigan if you will.  Why Kim puts up with Bao we’ll never know.

For some reason he always pilots the spaceship upside down. 

Our team of heroes, looking bewildered.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention two of my favorite characters from this OVA, the unnamed old man and old woman.  They are probably the grandparents of either Nam or Rasa, or possibly both as the relationships here are never clearly laid out.  These two appear in only 4 short scenes, but their brief banter really adds a lot to the show.  Whether talking about breakfast, drinking, or earthquake safety, they always make me smile.

Cheers to you old geezers!

The Bad Idea:

            Early in the OVA, out hero Nam obtains a sword that can destroy his enemies with a single stab.  Despite this amazing power, Nam kills only one enemy with this sword and then never uses it again.  Instead, he seeks out a weapon of mass destruction that will obliterate the user as well as whatever planet he is standing on.  Just as a warning, the following plot summary contains spoilers.  If you don’t want that, skip down to the “Why Watch?” section. 

Story:

On the distant planet Aqualoid, a war has raged for hundreds of years between the organics, i.e. humans, and the Inorganics.  Inorganics are robotic creatures easily distinguished by their single, large, red eye.

You can see clearly from his license, he is an Inorganic.

The show starts off with a chase scene.  I hope you like chases, as this show is about 80% chase scenes.  The first one is between Monga and a larger blob that apparently feeds on smaller, yellower blobs.  This is brought to a quick close when Rasa shows up to rescue her pet.  Meanwhile, elsewhere in the cosmos, Bao and Kim have spotted the legendary weapon Shade, which takes the form of a sword of light, and attempt to chase it down in order to sell it to the army for a hefty price.  The sword quickly outpaces Bao’s antiquated ship and the Shade lands on Aqualoid. 

After that Sword!!!!

            Shade lands right in front of Nam, who decided to roam the barren wastelands rather than eat breakfast.  He is greeted by the ghostly form of Arlia, the spirit of the sword, who barely has time to introduce herself before an Inorganic arrives to claim the sword.

The Ghost of the Sword meets Nam

Warrior Inorganic prepared to fight

            Nam starts a battle in which he decides not to use the sword for some reason.  While all this is going on, Rasa in engaged in yet another chase, this time with a gang of biker Inorganics who refer to her as “Jiggly Butt.”  The bikers are laughably ineffective in trying to take out Rasa, attempting to use caltrops and oil slicks against her hover bike, a hover bike which never touches the ground!!  She is also hit on by a diminutive Inorganic kid, who she ignores, causing him to sink into depression and leave.

Rasa rides in the most suggestive way possible

Depressed Inorganic kid after being rejected

Rasa meets up with Nam in the middle of their respective battles.  Nam finally decides to use his sword to stab one of the biker Inorganics, which immediately causes him to disintegrate.  Despite this great success, Nam will never, ever use this sword again for some reason.  I don’t know why.  The best explanation is because Nam is a moron.  The warrior inorganic is destroyed when Bao arrives on Aqualoid, and his spaceship knocks Nam’s foe off of a cliff.  Now that the heroic team is assembled, Arlia arrives to explain the plot.  As she tells it, the universe as we know it is actually an embryo preparing to be born, hence the title of the OVA.  The Inorganics are a cancer preventing the healthy development of the embryo.  The organics help the Universe develop.  The Shade is the consciousness of the Universe, possibly its soul.  If used correctly, the sword can destroy the Inorganics life pattern.  Basically it will rewrite the laws of physics so that Inorganics can’t exist.  Despite this, as I’ve said, the characters never, ever, for any reason use the sword of ultimate power.  Instead our team of heroes decides to go look for a weapon of mass destruction in an old war zone that was nuked 200 years ago when Bao was a soldier.  Before they can get on their way, they fight a large Inorganic who screams the names of various fruits and vegetables as he attacks.  Rather than have Nam use his sword of instant death, Monga calls a herd of his kind, who somehow manage to destroy the enemy.

Papaya! Asparagus! Onion!

After switching their vehicles, our team heads out to the nuclear fallout zone to find the Dongemaharu, a weapon of unreasonable power.  This weapon has the ability to turn any matter into plasma.  It causes a chain reaction which annihilates any planet on which it is used.  It was originally meant to be used on the Inorganics' home world.  Another chase ensues between our team and two even larger Inorganics. 

Rasa’s Pony 7

Bao’s old-school Jeep and machine gun

The creepy, underground, nuked city where the weapon is located has preserved skeletons from 200 years ago, doing whatever they were doing at the moment of death.

Some were trying to make more soldiers.

Others tried to get to their WMD’s

            Nam is the first to find the weapon.  Not knowing what it is, he prepares to use it on the giant Inorganics.  Bao and company show up to stop him before he can unintentionally destroy the world.  Another chase and they are back on the planet's surface.  There they are unpleasantly surprised by a giant Inorganic mother-ship.  Nam wants to use the Dongemaharu to destroy the ship, despite the fact it would also destroy the planet.  Kim struggles with Nam, and the weapon goes skittering off into the hands of the Inorganic kid who Rasa rejected earlier.  The kid, disgusted with life and all the people who shunned him, fires the weapon, thus destroying the world, and everyone on it.  Moral of the story, don’t reject the nerdy losers, or they will kill you.

Say hello to my little friend....oh and his Doomsday Device

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I've been converted to plasma

            The ending scenes involve all of the main characters being dissolved into plasma and being absorbed into the Shade.  The Shade then leaves the planet, apparently looking for a chosen one who isn’t a moron.  The last thing we see is the spirit of the sword enjoying some tasty sweets. 

Souls are delicious!

Why Watch?

1.      Details – The little extras that are slipped in all over the show are a lot of fun.  Whether it is tiny animals or a cavity causing critter in Bao’s mouth (see below), the little extras make this great.

Remember to floss kids!

2.      Colors – The bright colors in this are unlike what you’ll see in most other shows, and really give “Birth” a unique feel.  There are some especially neat color schemes in the nuked city.

Amazing what you can do with only 5 colors

3.      Rasa’s Hindquarters – You’ll see a lot of this all throughout the show.  Here is a brief sampling.

I love the way her head has to be below her butt in order for her hovercraft to function

Rasa seems to have a constant wedgie, even when plummeting to her apparent doom.

Maybe she wouldn't attract old, creepy aliens if she wore more modest clothes

Not very subtle is she?

I'm ready for my closeup!

4.      Face Faults – There are several great face faults scattered sparingly throughout.  Enough to be entertaining, not enough to get annoying.  A good balance.

This might not be a face fault, maybe that is just how things are in Bao's species

This expression brought to you by the late Charles M. Schulz

Shock!!!

Worst drawn  tongue I've ever seen

5.      The dialogue – This show has some delightfully terrible quotes.  Allow me to share a few with you.

“Even if a woman looks smart she cannot sell a cow” – Inorganic biker gang

“It’s time to display the immense power of our inorganic bikes” – biker gang

“Hey, You tricked a grown man! You’re a naughty girl”- biker gang

“There’s a big black ball! A big black ball is coming!” – Bao

“We got through smooth as butter” - Bao

“Hold on Bao! Don’t get yourself dead!” – Nam

“You need to be careful of fire when there’s an earthquake!” – Old Man

Should you be watching?

The short answer is "Yes."  This is a good bit of old school fun that I can’t recommend highly enough.  If you like chase scenes and don’t insist on characters being reasonable, this show is for you!  If, however, you don't care for older animation or want your movies to have a meaningful plot and conclusion, steer clear.